Knowledge and Regret
by Luna Dominique Potter
Summary: Peter Pettigrew knew that he would never be forgiven for what he had done.


**Author's Note: A short little one-shot on Peter Pettigrew — a character I've always been very interested in. Enjoy!**

Knowledge and Regret

He had a small, plump body, small eyes that drooped, and a blotchy complexion. He was no better looking in human form than he was in his Animagus form. Peter Pettigrew knew he was not handsome.

He had three great friends: James Potter, Sirius Black, and Remus Lupin. Popular, handsome, wanted by all the girls. . . . They had nicknamed themselves the Marauders, but Peter Pettigrew knew he would never truly be one of them.

Peter struggled in school. Theories fell out of his head, complicated diagrams might as well of not been there for all the good they did for him, and his spells always seemed to go awry. Without his friends, Peter was sure he would've failed Hogwarts a long time ago. Peter Pettigrew knew he was not talented.

James was the one girls fell head over heels for but could never quite articulate their thoughts about him; Sirius was the one the girls flocked to and tried to flirt inconspicuously; Remus was the shy one who girls didn't notice as much, but still thought he was sweet in his quiet manner. The girl who Peter thought might've liked him ran away when he tried to kiss her. Peter Pettigrew knew he was not liked, or even loved for that matter.

When Lord Voldemort approached Peter and saw his weaknesses and asked him to betray his friends . . . Peter did not refuse. He was scared of death, he was scared of Lord Voldemort. Peter Pettigrew knew he was not brave.

Sirius persuaded Lily and James to make Peter their Secret-Keeper. They thought that the Dark Lord would never use him as a spy. Because he was small, weak, ordinary. They were right in a way — he was weak. Peter Pettigrew knew he was not to be trusted.

Peter's life was on the line. Everyone would know it was him who betrayed James and Lily Potter. Surely someone would figure it out. Surely no one could possible think that Sirius Black, James's best friend, could actually work for the Dark Lord. . . . And then an idea formed in Peter's head. But how could it work? Peter Pettigrew knew he was not clever.

To his great surprise, his little plan worked — and quite effectively at that. Peter escaped. Sirius was captured. The Dark Lord was gone. And no one knew that Peter had anything to do with it. He found a home with a Weasley family and comforted himself that as long as he was there nothing bad could happen to him. But Peter Pettigrew knew he was not safe.

Whispers of Sirius Black escaping from Azkaban found their way into the Weasley home and Peter shook with fear. Sirius was the only person to know what he had done . . . and surely he would want revenge. Peter ran, ran from his safety, and sought shelter in someone he would not have dared sought on any other occasion — the Dark Lord. But the Dark Lord could see right through Peter and he knew why he was there. Peter Pettigrew knew he was not powerful enough to deceive the Dark Lord.

As Peter whiled away the time spent at Snape's house, he thought of his friends. Now all of them, save for Lupin, were dead, and it was all his fault. Everything that had happened was his fault. Peter thought of many things, and reevaluated his life, but the one thing Peter Pettigrew knew was that he would never be forgiven for what he had done.

Peter stared into the green eyes of Harry Potter's, the boy who he had tried to kill several times. They were filled with shock and remorse. But Peter knew the remorse could not be for him. Peter Pettigrew knew he would not be missed.

The silver hand continued its way up to Peter's neck. It grabbed him, it squeezed him. Peter felt the cold metal against his skin, but that was not what he was thinking about. He was about to see James and Lily and Sirius again. What would they think of him? What would they say to him? He might not know what his friends' reactions would be, but Peter Pettigrew knew that the first thing he would do was apologize.

**A/N: The end! This is a bit different from what I usually write; this story is just little short pieces of insight into Peter's life and motivation. Like I said, I've always been very curious about him and I thought I'd write a little something about why he did things. I hope you liked it and thanks for reading! :)**


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